I was quite challenged by the idea of forgiveness. I knew it was something I should do but usually I was too angry at the person to forgive them. Even when I thought I had forgiven someone, all I had to do was be around them again and sure enough all those feelings of resentment and anger would be back. I didn't know how forgiveness was supposed to make me feel better, and I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to let go of!
Overtime I came to realize that the problem was in my mind and my beliefs - not the actions of others. Once I could accept that people would do and say all kinds of things that I might not feel were correct - and I that I could never change - I realized I could change the way I chose to perceive and interpret what they were saying and doing.
I'd like to share my story of growing up with my older sister to show you why forgiveness is so important to me.
My sister was 4 years old when I was born. As the older sister she could be extremely abusive both physically and emotionally. There were times when I was incredibly miserable - she attacked me physically and mentally. By the time I was 11 years old it was so bad I could no longer share a room with her. As we became adults I tried to have an adult relationship with her but she continued the emotional abuse. She lived 3000 km away but when she came to visit she would behave the same way. As a result I really did not want to be any where near her. I tried to talk to her about how she treated me - but she denied it and called me a liar and over time I gave up trying get through to her.
I had all this resentment, anger and blame in me - I thought that somehow I was responsible and I deserved to be treated this way. Over the years I saw less of her and found peace in my life. About 6 years ago I started to read a lot of books on forgiveness and the benefits of forgiving myself and others. I realized I had to forgive myself for having all this resentment, hurt and anger in me. As I read about forgiving myself I realized that the lack of forgiveness was the biggest obstacle to happiness in my life. Forgiveness clears out all the feelings that connect us to others in unhealthy ways and we become happy as we begin to experience inner peace, self-love and self-respect.
I did forgive myself for having these feelings and was able to talk to my sister on the phone and actually tell her I loved her. At the time she was in the hospital and not doing vey well. She passed away shortly after and I so grateful I am able remember her with peace and love in my heart.
Does this sound amazing - do you want to know how I was able to get this peace of mind?
We have created a Master Class to help you forgive yourself!
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